So. Three weeks from tomorrow, baby number two will be entering the scene. Baby BOY number two. Jacob. And about four days later there will be another man living in my house. A tiny one, but another man just the same.
I'm so curious to meet this little person. This little personality. In what ways will he be like his brother? In what ways will they differ? I remember writing in Christopher's journal when I first found out that I was pregnant again, and just praising God for the fact that our prayers had been answered. With the first pregnancy, my prayers had been for me. I wanted a baby. I wanted to be a mommy. I wanted to get our life started. And then, not long after he was born, when we started talking about another baby....well, the prayer was different. It was still self-motivated prayer. Still something I wanted (come on, when are our prayers of petition NOT motivated out of some level of selfish desire?) but the object of my desire was different. I wanted another baby for Christopher. I wanted a playmate for him. A sibling for him. A companion who would walk with him through the whole of his life. And I wrote that in his journal. That now, even though this baby was still a long 9 months off, he was now connected to this person in a way he'll be connected to no other. They will be siblings. And, at least until they are grown and married (and hopefully still then) that bond will be not only strong and everlasting, but the strongest bond he will ever have.
And then we found out we were having a boy. Even better than I had imagined! BROTHERS! Just what I wanted....for him. For them.
God is so good. You know, I look at my Christopher and in my prayers for him try to offer him completely to our Lord's will and service. It is not my job or even my privilege to choose for him the path that his life will take. But it IS my job to prepare him for the path that God has for him and to pray that he will always be open and willing to walking down that path. When I look at his handsome little face, it is easy to let my mind wander to the future. In my wanderings I can see him falling in love, getting married, and experiencing all of this for himself with his own family. He will make a wonderful husband - already demonstrating the sensitivity and tenderness that will be so important in that relationship. But I can also see an alternate path for him. One that also requires sensitivity and tenderness. One that requires a mind and heart for all things spiritual and holy. One that he demonstrates in practice as he bows his head with his hands in prayer at Mass on Sundays, or makes the Sign of the Cross across his chest with vigor while we're saying grace. Just two weeks ago, while Tim and I were attending daily Mass, Christopher held a plastic cup in his left hand, a plastic screwdriver in his right, and walked up and down the main aisle of the last three-or-so pews and pretended to sprinkle Holy Water on all of the people....just as we've been witnessing the Priest do on Sundays throughout the Easter Season.
He was able to point out the Pope to me in a magazine without my ever having pointed him out before.
Is there something going on here? Some kind of spiritual connection that he already has with our Lord? Some kind of ingrained faith and love for our Faith that has been gifted to him from above? I know that sounds lofty - but is it really that out of reach? People say that children are more deeply connected to the spiritual than adults. Maybe they're right?
My point is, that while I'm sitting here in a room that is a COMPLETE disaster area on its way to become another nursery....while I'm bogged down in all the details of welcoming the physical presence of another human being into my home....what I'm most excited about, and most heavily burdened with, is the welcoming of another human person into my life. Another soul to shepherd and guide. To raise and offer to God to do with what He wills.
What a tremendous responsibility. What a humbling task. What an incredible privilege.